


Left Alone

by highwhorelock



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Modern Era, Modern Westeros, Non-Canon Relationship, Songfic, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-18
Updated: 2016-05-18
Packaged: 2018-06-09 05:40:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6892354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/highwhorelock/pseuds/highwhorelock





	Left Alone

“There’s nothing really left to say  
And I don’t need you to explain  
We don’t need those lights.”

 

“Why do you think you can’t tell her?”

 

There was no answer for a little while, just the ragged breathing of a young man. He had just stopped crying, trying to collect his scattered thoughts. He was in his room, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed. “I’m scared. I’m scared that if she knows the real damage she’s dealing with, she’ll just leave. I’d rather just be gone than her leaving.”

 

“She won’t leave. She loves you and you love her. You think that right now she’s better off without you but trust me, she won’t. You think she’ll cry now and move on later, no, that’s not how it works. She’ll cry now and she’ll keep on crying. She’ll be different, won’t be able to look at certain things or go to certain places without remembering you. She’ll cry in the middle of the night and you won’t be there to calm her down.”

 

An empty chuckle. “You talk like I’m so important.” He dragged the rusted blade he got from the pencil sharpener across his pale wrist, stopping right at the vein.

 

“That’s because you are. I’m sure she’ll agree with me too. Why be someone’s heartbreak when you can make her happy? When you can both be happy?” 

 

He stopped at that, dropping the blade with his fingers trembling. He could hear the plea from the voice on the other end along with a hint of sincerity. “I can’t see that happening right now.”

 

“And you won’t see it happening if you give up. Please, don’t. You’re not alone.”

 

Looking up, he stared at the mirror in front of him. He shouldn’t have recognized that face staring back at him, bloodshot eyes and hunched back, tear-stained cheeks, shriveled hair, and pale lips. Oh, but he did. He knew that man all too well.

 

“Hello? Hello?”

 

The voice grew urgent and that made him look away from his own reflection. “Alright… thank you.” His voice cracked at the end, immediately hanging up. His hand curled around his phone, the device cold against his sweaty palm. His heart thudded as the thought slipped from his head. One day. Maybe just one more day. Maybe it’ll get better.

 

Jojen’s eyes flickered over to his phone, the screen glaring at him, and deleted the recent contact he made. Besides, he already memorized the digits to the suicide hotline.

 

“I think we may have gone too far.  
Losing sight of who we are.  
How do we get back to a time when it was so easy?  
‘Cause I need you and you need me.  
What happened to that?”

 

Tears ran down Sansa’s cheeks as she leaned on the door, a hand cupped over her mouth to keep herself from sobbing loudly, listening to every single one of Jojen’s words. Words that should’ve been told to her directly. It hit her like a wall breaking down. She knew about his anxiety but she had no idea it was this bad. The silence scared her, her first instinct telling her to barge in but somehow she stopped and instead wiped her tears and clearing her voice before rapping urgently on the door. “Jojen! Jojen, open up! We need to go somewhere!”

 

Shuffling from the other side reached her ears and then the usual cheery voice of her boyfriend greeted her. That broke her heart even more. “I’m taking a shower, woman!” He called out, voice steady and practiced. “I’ll be out in a few, okay? Let me finish up and get dressed.”

 

“Okay but hurry up!” Sansa ran a hand through her hair and made her way to the kitchen. She didn’t know what to do but she knew she needed to do something.

 

A few weeks passed since that incident and Sansa made sure to keep Jojen busy as much as she can, just so he wouldn’t get eaten up by his thoughts. They would do a lot of things together when not busy with homework or exams. It would drain them both but it was worth it because they would sleep knowing that they captured new memories that day. It was good. Sansa’s plan was working. Or at least until that day…

 

She had to go back to the apartment because she forgot her phone and gods, she can’t just go hang out with Margaery and Jeyne without her phone. It was 10 A.M. and Jojen was probably sleeping in so Sansa decided to just tiptoe in their room to retrieve her phone. When the door swung open, the sight that greeted her made her freeze.

 

And so did Jojen.

 

“Drop that!”

 

“How deep do you wanna go?  
Don’t you know that some things  
Are better off alone?  
They’re better off alone.”

 

Tears kept rolling down his cheeks, lip trembling when he saw her standing by the door way. He wasn’t sure what she was thinking right now but he felt disgusted with himself, like he was caught in a middle of a heinous crime. It’s like time went still but all he wanted was to go back and lock the damn door in the first place.“W-What are you doing here..? No… no! You’re not supposed to see this! Sansa, get the fuck out!” Jojen shouted and threw the blade away, pulling up his knees to his chest in attempt to hide his legs. He rolled down his pajama legs, the blood staining the cloth, and turned away from Sansa, doing everything he can to hide from her yet he still felt exposed, like those blue eyes bore down on him.

 

“Sansa, please, go away… Y-You’re not supposed to see me like this… You’re not…” He choked back a sob at the sudden tidal wave of emotions. Pain, self-loathing, shame. He wanted to hide and simply disappear right then and there but all he could see was the four walls surrounding him. He felt small and trapped. It didn’t go so well with his anxiety, only fueling it to no end. He couldn’t get rid of the memory of her shocked face, his vile thoughts twisting it all up until all he could see was what he expected to see. Repulsion, anger, disappointment, and even—

 

Familiar slender arms wounded around his middle and pulled him back and Sansa’s chin was on his shoulder. There were tears at the corner of her eyes, smearing her make-up. She sobbed silently and held on to him tight. “Stop, J-Jojen, stop… Please, you’re going to be okay… you’re fine, darling… you don’t have to do this. I’m here, I’m always here.” Her soft pleads met his ears and the young man, now so vulnerable and wrecked, allowed himself to crumble in her arms. His safe place.


End file.
